“We was young and we was dumb but, we had heart”
(Click Play To Read Spoken Word To Instrumental)
Hip Hop is my father I just wish he was there. He always questioned if I was his child and, constantly looked bewildered when my mother tells him she needs a little help. ‘Cause much like Tupac said, “raising two bad kids on your own” is never easy but believe me, since Hip Hop is my father he should have married my mom’s, not continue to play games, not abandon me and not run. When the tough gets going and his boys got the talking about whether or not I resembled him, he should have stood strong. Told them I was his reflection whether my skin is light and my hair came out blonde.
Of course if Hip Hop was like all the other fathers, he would have taught me how to ride a bike; keep to the rhythm and not to fall behind, how to tell the difference between wrong and right, how not to let these dudes take my love for granted because even though they say “hoe” and “bitch” I got common sense and I know I am more than that. Yeah if Hip Hop was a dad he wouldn’t make me feel so hurt; by the words that he spoke. I would never have to flirt with the thought of danger. Hip Hop would never play me, but rather play with me and be more prominent in my life. Go to all my dance recitals and not judge me on the artists that I move to, but rather encourage me to bring new feel to the old songs. Help me to right the wrongs after I made all the wrong decisions because I didn’t know what I was doing. I was young and I was dumb and I was searching for my heart, but my heart was him and he was never really around. I was stuck in limbo searching for a father that wasn’t around.
Contradicting that sound, when I turned up my radio and out came the sound of Grandmaster Flash; started to think this life could be at the least a minimum best and later on the rest of my worries and sorrows would be washed away with the dope lyrics of Ms. Hill, letting me know her heart was in Zion to Talib Kweli sharing with me how he had never been in love and truly I was inspired. Right around this time I had retired from trying to run the streets, but of course Hip Hop didn’t do anything but encourage me, to drop out of school and be a, “G”. All I kept hearing was click clack bang officer down? To hit your enemies were it hurt and all I was doing was hitting the books; instead of the blunt. It was behind the homies backs because what did I look like not, “being down?” not keeping it real ,but I was.
I knew his life deserved a chance But everybody told me to be smart Look at your career they said,”Lauryn, baby use your head”
We keeping it gangster say “fo shizzle”, “fo sheezy” and “stayin crunk”
Its easy to pull a breezy, smoke trees, and we stay drunk
Yo, our activism attackin the system, the blacks and latins in prison
Numbers of prison they victim black in the vision
Shit and all they got is rappin to listen to
Real enough to know Nas was right when he said knowledge is power. I choose to go to college and follow my dreams and right around then College Dropout hit and it was perfectly equip in fitting into my life. Kanye’s melody was so nice and in a way it was like, he knew what I was going through with Hip Hop not being relevant to me anymore but, still trying to keep in touch. Don’t get me wrong, ‘cause no matter what I’ll love that man because, he helped in creating me but let’s face it, he isn’t too bright like he used to be. Back in his younger days when all he had to do was play Kool Moe Dee to get the party started. Now all he seems to talk about is getting money and smoking weed. I can try my hardest to relate to him but, I never really will.
When Hip Hop would come around every now and then, to hook up with my mom, we’d have some good talks. On those days I’d feel like Ice Cube and I’d say, “Today was a good day”. But not so much anymore; the talks when he drops by have changed to less influential things. Slowly but surely I’m starting to pull away, from even listening to him and the little he has to say; nonetheless I’ll always respect him and his hustle and flow. I should sit back and give him the benefit of the doubt. It wasn’t like Hip Hop wasn’t a good father, daddy, or dad but rather; he was guiding my life the only way he truly knew how. You see he never had a father or, man in his life to show him how. How to raise a daughter and talk to women or, to not focus on the drugs and sex because it’s what everyone else is doing. For a second I thought he’d get it, but he just veered away and so did I. The quality that my father Hip Hop took up was following the crowd and staying significant.
Everything he’s not made me who I am, it makes me find similar traits of him in others, but instead of following, I fall in love with the ones who lead. I got underground love, and not for the wanna be thugs, but the political protagonist/antagonist; the ones who speak up for women’s rights; the exceptional few who can decipher the difference between what’s wrong and what’s morally right. Murs, Atmosphere, and even Kendrick Lamar have spoken volumes’ in comparison to Soulja Boy and Nicki Minaj and I’m talking about the Nicki after the mixtapes,the YMCB “fuck Barbie ‘cause she’s fake”; not the one who poetically rapped, “Autobiography”.
I know if Hip Hop knew better he’d want me to be down with the Dom Kennedy’s and the Refugees, but right now he doesn’t and that’s okay. I’ll let him go in hopes that one day he’ll soon step up to the plate, stop making the same mistakes and be a better dad. Set examples that I know he can. Even though he fucked up, the good that he did helped in making me who I am, I love you dad I mean…Hip Hop. 
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